The idea for this post came to me the other night while reading H. Clay Trumbull's "Hints on Child Training". I realized how frequently in this day and age we hear parents saying things like, "My child won't eat salad" or "My child hates fruit". Then proceed to give him or her whatever they demand simply to "keep them from starving". Do not get me wrong, I have been guilty of doing the same exact thing. You would think that having five kids would make me be more strict about what they eat considering that I cannot afford to keep everyone happy nor do I have the time to cook something different for every single person. But alas, I have found myself giving into demands rather than taking the time to enforce what I know is good for them physically and emotionally. The physical is obvious, but emotional you might ask. I firmly believe that it is vital for a child to know the rules and be forced to live by them. It not only brings order to your home, but gives your child an extreme sense of security.
Anyway, back to the book. This book was recommended to me by one of my favorite mentors whom I consider to be an excellent example of what a good mother should be. It is however, not an easy read. The book was written in 1890 and when he made the statement "All progress in knowledge is a result of continued questioning. Whence? What? Why? Wherefore? Whither? These are the starting-points of investigation and research to young and to old alike", it took me forever to figure out how on earth we got who, what, when, where and why out of those five words.
The reason that I love this book though, is because he teaches us that we should be training our children to adapt to our world our rules and our God instead of the common teaching in even Christian books that seems to imply that we do everything we can to make things as comfortable and easy for our children as possible.
One of the chapters was "Training a child's appetite" and I was extremely convicted as I read it. Imagine cooking whatever you wanted to try without worrying if your kids would eat it or not. One of the points that Trumbell made was that there are children all over the world who eat different kinds of things that there habitat offers and they are never given the choice of chicken fingers or hamburgers. I will quote my favorite section of this chapter.
"That a child inherits tastes in the matter of food and drink cannot be questioned; but this fact does not forbid the training of a child's tastes away from it's inborn tendencies; it merely adds an element to be considered in the training process. A child born in the tropics soon learns to like the luscious fruits which are given to him freely; while a child born in the arctic regions learns with the same rapidity to like the grosser diet of fish and oil which is his chief supply of food. In one region the people live mainly on roots and berries; in yet another they devour raw flesh or drink fresh blood; in yet another, they eat dried locusts or grasshoppers; in yet another, it is milk or honey which is their chief means of sustaining life."
After reading this I realized with startling clarity that cannibal children probably never look up at their parents and whine "I don't feel like eating people today!" You laugh, but it is all too true. Yet we allow our children the luxury of picking and choosing exactly what they will or won't eat.
I have had parents bring their children to my house for dinner and then let them pick through the dishes only to discover that they don't like any of it and are allowed to move on to dessert.
Call me old fashioned, but when I was growing up by golly, you ate what was put before you or suffered the consequences later on at home. Not only that but you pretended to enjoy it and thanked the hostess for serving it. Whatever happened to this practice I ask you?
Due to my three youngest having pretty strong food allergies which I am so sad to admit, that I think it is because I was unable to nurse any of them for longer than a month, my kids cannot have alot of the snack foods offered today. Chicken nuggets, peanut butter, whales, white bread, instant oatmeal and multiple other things bring about unwanted consequences and these consequences are slowly but surely forcing me to feed my family more the way that Holly mentioned in her comment on a previous post. More whole grains, cheese, veggies, and lots of fruit. The result has been well worth the effort. I have learned that when I serve biscuits with dinner, my boys will eat nothing but that. But yet if no bread is served, then after a few spankings they eventually realize that the salad, green beans, and chicken is all that there is and without fail, will end up eating exactly what we have on the table.
One more short point and I will shut up. I am amazed at the parents who tell me that their children will not eat what is served to them at mealtime, and yet I have watched them fill their children all through the day with whatever snack they can find. The poor kids are so full that by the time dinner rolls around there is no way they could stuff in another bite. So instead of eating the more than likely, more healthy dinner that you have prepared, they are filling up on dry cereal, cookies, chips, and crackers that do absolutely nothing for them besides fill them up. Trust me when I tell you that if your child is hungry enough, he will eat whatever you give him.
If you are still reading them I am impressed with you. I tend to get a little long winded when I talk about children because God has blessed me with multiple older mothers who have been generous enough to share their time and knowledge with me. I am so grateful for my Mom, Jill, Michelle, Valerie, and Carol. Mom's like you are rare and valuable. If you do not have a mentor, then I encourage you to pray and ask God for one. He promises to give wisdom to those that ask for it, and He also tells us to learn from the older women. Allow them the joy of sharing their wisdom that they have gained through their mistakes and realize how blessed you are to hear about what you should avoid before you make the same mistake.
Thank you for reading. I love you guys so much and cannot tell you what your encouragement through either comments or messages have meant to me.
Here, here! I agree wholeheartedly!
ReplyDeleteOh, Jen, I agree with this so very much. I once read a book where the mom kept a chart of foods that each kid liked/didn't like...and then fixed something for each. I didn't read any further. But you are so right, it's all about what you introduce to them. We have only had a few occasions where we didn't make our kids eat what was given them (fish eyes) but that was because I wasn't willing to eat it. Also, I read in another book (Fatland) how 50 years ago, snacks were rarely given to kids. We almost never do snack foods. We also start our little girls, who prefer to simply eat bread, with only a half a piece and only give them more when they've eaten all their veggies and meat. Great post!
ReplyDeleteJen, I agree as well. It is still a work in progress here at our house, as mine are 5, 3, and 9mo. I have always exposed my girls to everything (unless it is very spicy) that I cook and they (for the most part) are not that picky. I have allowed them to have one or two things that they don't like, but that's pretty much it. They are kids and obviously do the same as your children and go for the bread and starches first and the veggies last, so sometimes I'll serve the meal in courses for them and give them veggies first when their appetites are at their best. I would love some advice about manners though. My girls will eat whatever I tell them to (most of the time), but they usually voice if they like it or not. My husband and I have worked on this and they now realize that saying that is rude. The problem is when we go to someone else's house for dinner....they will comment on the food (ex. "I don't like this very much, or do I have to eat all of it, etc..). How do you teach your children to be extra polite at other's houses without causing a scene?
ReplyDeleteJen,
ReplyDeleteI love reading your blog! While I agree with you about the politeness factor and eating whatever you are offered as a guest in someones home, I have to add a few thoughts...In a society full of eating disorders I think we need to be careful about making food choices a battle. My parents and Grandparents were from the "eat what is set before you " generation. They also believed in the "sit at the table until your plate is clean". This idea did not seem to pose a problem for my sister, who enjoyed almost any food (aside from liver, but really, who likes that?) Unfortunately I qualify as a "high taster" (yes- there really is such a thing!) and a lot of vegetables and some fruits taste bitter to me. I spent the majority of my childhood being forced to repeatedly "try" food in the hope of "developing a taste for them". I am approaching my 40th b-day and still have a hard time with many foods. I have never "developed" the taste for most of the foods forced on me during my childhood. This does not mean that I don't ever try them-believe me I have continued to do so. While I am not a short-order cook for my children, I have also decided that food will not be a battle ground in my home. Guess we are all shaped by our own childhood! :)